


The Audit

by inkyopolis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Intrigue, M/M, Office Sex, started pwp but kind of got out of control
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5554280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkyopolis/pseuds/inkyopolis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the secretary Sollux AU:<br/>"Sollux contemplated just telling Dualscar the truth. But, “your nepotistic choice for head of finance has been up to idiotic shenanigans and has put the company in a position where we may now be facing millions in fines, potential jail time, and, oh yeah, by the way, whatever horrific, violent vengeance the Makaras might see fit to enact” didn’t exactly have a nice ring to it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Audit

Sollux’s boss was an asshole. Not just your usual run-of-the-mill, petty prick with a chip on his shoulder asshole. Instead, he was a a world-class, pedantic, Grade-A, professional asshole. Sollux liked him, in a begrudging sort of way.

Sollux figured you probably didn't become the head of a multi-million boondollar investment firm through kindness and compassion. But still, his personality did leave something to be desired.

As assistant to the CEO of Dualscar Enterprises, Sollux found professional life challenging. But, through perseverance and long-hours, he not only survived, but found himself thriving in the busy firm.

He had started three years ago as assistant to the junior VP of investor relations. Back then, his life consisted of answering phones and putting in as little energy as possible into work. He was more focused on eking out just enough of a living to pay rent and splurge on the occasional video game. But, after a busy period in which he was thrown a few additional tasks, his boss began taking notice of his technical prowess.

It turned out Sollux could pull complex sets of data together into persuasive and elegant presentations. Though Sollux was unaware, his work eventually led to hundreds of thousands in new investment. His boss took advantage of the troll’s savvy and was even more thrilled that Sollux didn't seem understand, or care, that he had started doing his job for him.

After six months, Sollux unwittingly parlayed his reputation as a skilled assistant into a promotion. It wasn’t a job that Sollux had applied for, but his boss’s boss took notice of the secretary’s handiwork and decided that Sollux’s skills would be put to better use at his office. Five months later, the cycle repeated, and Sollux was promoted out of investor relations altogether and into supporting corporate leadership.

Working for corporate leadership had turned out to be a different beast. Being in the head office meant he had to wear formal business dress, something he initially despised. Wearing anything other than a big comfy t-shirt and jeans, seemed tantamount to torture. But, the bump in pay helped to offset his aversion. After a few months, he found his taste evolving, suddenly discovering an appreciation for short skirts, form fitting blouses, and stockings paired with high heels. Not something he would ever choose to wear around the house, but the bosses seemed to like it.

His technical aptitude in the lower-ranks had gotten him far, but Sollux discovered it wasn't the only skill he needed to be successful working near the top. He discovered his is new role often called for certain “soft skills;” the kind that don’t necessarily translate on a resume. For example, being able to take minutes during important meetings while massaging the boss’s bulge with a foot under the conference table, or later, answering phones while getting pounded over his desk.

It turned these were things Sollux was _also_ quite good at. Not things he had set out to do, but as he had come to figure it, ‘shouldn’t waste your gifts.’

His first boss in corporate had been suave and, in Sollux's eyes, awfully cute about the whole situation. Sollux would get flowers at home occasionally and he had started to think that his boss might be interested in a real relationship. But, after a corporation-wide restructuring in which his superior got on the bad-end of a pink-slip, Sollux never heard from him again.

The restructuring was a difficult time at the office. Tensions ran high and Sollux couldn’t get a straight answer out of anyone about whether he would be let go or not. But, after a week of uncertainty, he discovered that, rather than moving out, he would be actually be moving up--up to the _very_ top.

And that's where he met _the asshole_.

\---***---

His fingers jumped from the keyboard as a loud buzz pierced his concentration. Sollux frowned as he turned his gaze from the memo he had been typing to the blinking light on the intercom.

He leaned over and smacked the button on the top of the box. “ _What?_ ”

“Manners manners. I thought we were working on that.”

Sollux could feel his eye twitch. Through gritted teeth, he asked “Yesth, Mr. Dualscar, what can I do for you?”

“Much better. Need you to reschedule my 2pm meeting with marketing and then I want you in here.” The light on the intercom flicked out.

In seconds, Sollux had fired off an e-mail to Ms. Leijon, letting her know that, due to an unforeseen scheduling conflict, Mr. Dualscar would now be reviewing communications strategy with her two weeks from today, and to thank her for her understanding. He then opened his desk and pulled out a yellow and black stripped compact.

Looking in the mirror, he pursed his lips to freshen his lipstick. After deciding that it was good enough for now, he stood up, shimmied down his skirt, then picked up his notepad and pen. He turned around and took a few steps towards the corner office door, heels clicking along the granite floor. 

He extended a fist and gave the door a knock, right under the over-sized, ‘ _Orphaner Dualscar, CEO_ ’ placard.

“Come in.”

Sollux always felt a bit intimidated in the boss’s office. It was filled rich, dark toned furniture that seemed like something from an ancient hunting lodge. His large walnut desk was an imposing presence in the room. It reminded Sollux of the helm of a boat. All it was missing was a ship’s wheel mounted on the front. Captaining the wood behemoth, Dualscar sat with his hands folded in front of him, his brow furrowed.

The look sent a chill down Sollux’s spine.

“Please close the door behind you.”

Sollux turned around and did as asked, feeling the skin on the back of his neck crawling. He took a breath, turned around, smiled and asked, “What can I do for you today Mr. Dualsthcar?”

“Why don’t you have a seat.”

Sollux walked over, sat down, and crossed his legs.

Dualscar drummed his fingers on his desk, the rings on his fingers making a dull clank against the wood each time they struck. Sollux gritted his teeth. He _hated_ that sound. The Orphaner was usually a “cut to the chase” kind of guy. This break in routine added to his sense of unease.

Orphaner finally broke his silence. “We… have a bit of a problem.”

Sollux swallowed. “Oh?”

Letting out a long sigh, Orphaner continued. “Yes. It seems that the Board of Directors, in their … infinite wisdom … have asked for a full and independent audit of our recent financial records.”

“What?”

“Yes. That was my response as well. It seems that there have been some…” He paused, seeming to be searching for the right word. “Discrepancies… between what we’ve been reporting and our actual reserves.”

Sollux came to rigid attention. “That’sth not possible, I pulled those numbersth myself.”

Folding his hands together, Dualscar’s sunken grey eyes once again narrowed. “Yes. I know.”

The pit of Sollux’s stomach relocated itself somewhere in the building’s basement. He felt a drop of cold sweat making its way down the curve of his spine, pooling at his skirt’s waist. He shot back, “I worked with finance for two and a half weeks to get those reportsss right!”

“And I can see how much good it did. But our little problem gets even better. The board has decided to appoint not just any old auditing company, but _THE_ auditing company. And, because apparently one of the board members has some kind of connections, they have gotten the queen bee herself, Ms. Neophyte Redglare, to lead the investigation.”

Sollux was livid. He stood up and stomped his heel against the ground with a righteous _clank_. “This cannot be possible. It _CANNOT_.”

Dualscar leaned back in his chair. “Now now...” A sliver of white crept out as his lips parted into a grin. “Because of all of the fine work you’ve done here Sollux, I am going to give you one chance, and _exactly_ one chance to un-fuck this. And if you don’t, you are out on your goddamn ass.”

Sollux stood there, silent, seething, staring daggers.

“An apology or, you know, a ‘Thank you for being a kind and merciful god and not firing my shit-blood hide’ would really go a long way right about now.”

Sollux could feel his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands. He sat back down, shaking.

Dualscar pushed back from his desk and came around. He placed a hand on Sollux’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “You seem a little lost for words right now. How very unlike you.”

Sollux’s mind was running feverishly, replaying the memory of slaving for weeks over the SQL code that he, no thanks to the finance department, had put together to produce the report. His program had managed to pull the hundreds of discordant order and bank record spreadsheets together into a single master database. He then essentially single handedly wrote the financial report. ‘Did I really made a mistake? I triple-checked _every_ _single_ _line_ ,’ he thought.

His daydream was broken by the sound of a –ziiiiip- somewhere in the room. He realized that Orphaner Dualscar’s was presenting his cock.

“Since you seem lost for words at the moment, maybe we can find another way for you to say _thanks_.”

\---***---

Sollux emerged from the boss’s office fifteen minutes later, wiping his mouth with the palm of his hands. Normally, blowing the boss was a relaxing afternoon affair. But instead, Sollux had found himself distracted with trying to figure out how to save his skin. Seconds before the Orphaner came, he had settled on a course of action.

It was time to pay a little visit to the head of finance.

But first, he needed to reapply his lipstick. 

\---***---

Sollux found it nice to see a familiar, friendly face at the office. There seemed to be fewer and fewer of those since the restructuring. Sitting at the desk in front of him was his curvy pal. Same red sweater and black leggings as always.

“Sollux, I’m sorry, I hadn’t been expecting you. I mean, it’s nice to see you, but unfortunately I don’t have time for a,” he lowered his voice, “… _venting session_. _”_ He brought his voice back up to a normal conversational volume. “I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”

Sollux smiled down at Kankri. He really wished this was that kind of a visit. A stress-induced sloppy make-out session in the supply closet would really take the edge off right now. The thought of straddling one of Vantas’s thighs brought a flush to Sollux’s cheeks.

“No problem ssweetie. You would not believe the day I’m having. I think we’re going to need to catch up soon. But I’m afraid…” His eyes flicked up towards the door behind the crimson clothed receptionist. “I’m looking for your boss.”

“Oh, Mr. Ampora is not seeing taking any meetings right now.”

Kankri gave a brief, ‘what can you do’ shrug. “Maybe I can get you in with him sometime later this week? How does your Thursday look?”

Sollux’s let loose a long, exasperated sigh. He looked down at his friend and frowned. “I’ve got sthomething pretty urgent that really needs his _immediate_ attention.”

Kankri raised an eyebrow and then extended a finger down to the intercom on his desk, pressing the small red metal button on top. A loud buzz could be heard emanating from behind the closed door.

“I thought I told you no visitor’s today!” crackled out from the speaker.

“I’m sorry sir, but Mr. Captor is here and says it’s urgent.”

“Tell him to piss off.”

Kankri frowned down at the intercom and took his finger off the switch. “Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to work with him on using less problematic language.”

Sollux drew in a deep breath and pushed up the glasses on his face. “I apologize in advance.”

Before Kankri could ask what for, Sollux barged back behind him and burst through the door.

“Cronus you little shi….” Sollux stopped mid-sentence, taking in the scene. “Are you… ?”

The answer, of course, was yes. Cronus Ampora, head of finance, son of one Orphaner Dualscar _CEO_ , had his shirt splayed open and pants around his ankles. Ecstatic moans of pleasure emanated from his computer’s speakers.

Cronus jumped out of his seat then scurried to cover himself. “What the FUCK?”

Sollux stamped his foot. “God, you are just fucking unbelievable.”

Cronus flung his arm in the air as if warding off mosquitos. “ _Get out of here!_ ”

Sollux crossed his arms and planted his feet. “I’m not going fucking anywhere. You owe me an explanation assthhole.”

Pulling his pants back up to his hips, Cronus glared at his visitor. “Yeah, so what, I get a little lonesome sometimes and need to blow off some steam. Not my fault I wind up with the secretary that doesn’t put out.”

Sollux rolled his eyes, “You are so unbelievably conccceited. I mean about the balance sheets you gave me dipshit.”

Looking down as he buttoned up his shirt, Cronus asked, “Yeah, what about ‘em?”

“You mean you haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“You’re telling me that you’re the _head of finance_ and you don’t know we’re being audited by _Neophyte Redglare?!?_ ”

All of the color drained out of Cronus’s face. The coolcat demeanor usually wafting off the man like cheap cologne dried up and disappeared. “Wh… w-where did you hear that?”

“ _Where do you think jackass?!?_ ”

Cronus’s mouth went dry. He tried to muster enough saliva to swallow, but found himself unable. After a few muted moments, he blinked, and stammered out, “Fuck.”

Throwing his hands into the air, Sollux shouted, “Yeah, and it’s gonna be MY assth out on the street if it doesn’t get fixed!”

Sollux took a deep breath and held back the urge to fly across the room and choke the life out of Cronus. He briefly fantasized about the immense pleasure that would give him, but decided to keep himself in check. He continued, “So what happened? How did you manage to fuck-up just _giving_ me records?”

Seeming to grasp the sudden enormity of the situation, Cronus buried his face in his hands. He rocked his head back and forth. He mumbled, “Close the door.”

“Oh are you going to explain this-th to me through interpretive jacking off?”

“Just… close the door.”

As the latch on the door clicked into place, Sollux heard a deep sigh from behind him. He turned around and saw that Cronus looked next to tears. Cronus exclaimed, “Goddammit, I KNEW something would go fishy with this. I KNEW it.”

“Fishy with what?”

Cronus looked up at the ceiling, unable to meet with Sollux’s death-glare. He responded, “I’ve been, uh. I’ve been expanding some new business opportunities.”

Sollux’s left eye twitched. “Go on…”

“Well, uhh, see, you ever heard of the Makara family?”

Incredulous, Sollux asked, “You don’t happen to mean, the ‘ _Murdering Makaras’_ do you _?_ ”

Cronus put his hands up defensively. “Whoa whoa whoa. They ain’t murderers.” He paused, then added, “At least, not convicted ones. But yeah, they’ve got some … uhh… frowned upon business practices.”

“Like _literally killing competing drug cartels._ ”

“Hey, it’s like I said, I don’t know anything about anyone getting hurt. I just know that they run a business, and because of the nature of that business, sometimes they can’t exactly go and put their money in a bank.”

Sollux began rubbing his temples. “Please don’t tell me you are taking money from the Makaras.”

Cronus shrugged, “I mean, we’re always under pressure to keep expanding right? And I figure, this is like, synergy, or some shit. I help them with the problem they are having by letting them buy some of our derivatives in cash, and they help me by giving me new business.”

“So you are letting the Makaras launder drug money through your dad’s _multi-million dollar business_? At any point, did you say to yourself, ‘Gosh Cronusth, this maybe might be a bad thing to do?’”

Cronus gave no response.

“So how are you cooking the books?”

Cronus took a long breath. “Ah, well… see… therein lies the problem. I kinda gave them the derivatives certificates but… haven’t exactly gotten around to actually depositing the cash yet.” He then gave a ‘golly-shucks’ shrug.

Sollux’s jaw hung open. “Well, where the fuck is it?”

Cronus looked over to the row of metal filing cabinets in the corner of the room. Following his gaze, Sollux walked over to the repository and pulled open the middle drawer on the end-unit. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Stack after stack of crisp boondollars, neatly bundled together with purple rubber-bands.

He looked back over at Cronus, then back down at the piles of money. It was easily more than he made in a year. “Why didn’t you just deposit this?”

Cronus looked out the window, unable to meet Sollux’s stare. “Well, I was gonna but, … well it kept being a nice little slush fund and I figured maybe I’d just keep it around for a rainy day.”

Sollux’s gawked at the idiocy of this logic. “You know that the board picks over the financial reports like vultures-sth. Did you think they magically weren’t going to notice that we had sold more certificates than we had gotten paid for?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Just go and deposit it now.”

“Thought about that, but, as the Makara’s likely discovered, turns out that banks get kinda suspicious if you just show up brown-paper bags stuffed with c-notes.”

“Did you have any plan for how you were going to handle this?!”

Cronus mumbled into his hands, “I was working on it.”

“Oh my god, how did you become the fucking head of the financial department here?”

The room was quiet. They both knew the answer.

Sollux opened a second drawer in the cabinet. He picked up a particularly large looking brick of notes. He was struck with the thought of how satisfying it would feel to chuck it as hard as he could at Cronus’s head. Sure, it wouldn’t solve anything, but it sure would feel nice.

“You have to tell your dad.”

“No way. Not happening toots.”

“If you don’t tell him, I’m going to.”

Cronus shot up out of his seat, “Whoa whoa, let’s slow down a second there chief. There’s gotta be a way to fix this without getting him involved.”

“Oh gosh, you’re totally right. How could I be so sstupid? We’re only going to be audited by one of the most blood-thirsty financial investigators around. I’m sure we can totally fix thiss without her finding out that you helped a literal insane clown family launder money from god knows what through your dad’s company, and oh, by the way, kept all the cash stored in your fucking office because your too much of a dipshit to come up with a plan to handle it. No, I’m sure she would never find that out, then tell the board of directors, your dad, and then have us all thrown in jail.”

Cronus ran his hand through his hair. “This is bad.”

“Just imagine how thrilled the Makaras are going to be when this is all gets discovered!”

Cronus let out a strangled sob. “Oh god.”

Sollux let out an exasperated sigh. He did not have time to deal with Cronus having a meltdown. ‘Dear god, please just let the Makara’s take him now,’ he thought.

“Unless…”

Sollux looked up. “Unless what?”

Cronus cleared his throat. “Unless you… took one for the team.”

“Excuse me?”

Cronus began pacing back and forth around the room. “What if… what if you could explain to dad that it was all a misunderstanding… that you made some kind of mistake. Like, in your calculations.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes and shot back, “I don’t make _mistakes_.”

“But, say you did… say you could convince him you just flubbed the numbers, and then, in the meantime, we figured out how to get the money into our accounts.”

“What’s in it for me?”

Cronus smiled. “My undying love?”

“ _PASS-TH_.”

Cronus sneered. “Fine. Cash, clothes, whatever it takes to make this work.”

Sollux thought about it for a minute, rolling the options around in his head. “I fix this and you are my fucking servant. Got it? I mean, I snap my fingers-th and tell you to do something, and it’s fucking done. If I want a glass of water in the middle of the night and don’t feel like getting out of bed, you are going to drive to my place and bring one to me.” He paused and added, “Plus, 20% of your salary for the next three years or you can explain to daddy-dearest why you might soon be found in a ditch with juggling pin embedded in your skull.”

Cronus swallowed. “Deal.”

“Alright. Give me a day to figure out how to take care of this.”

\---***---

Sollux spent that evening learning everything he could about how to launder money online. Over his 2am cup of coffee, Sollux finally hatched a plan.

He would lose some face and explain to Dualscar that he had made a rounding mistake in his summation formulas after all. Because of the error, all of the accounts had been rounded _down_ before they were summed together. Because the company had thousands of accounts, the errors compounded, and thousands had been inadvertently left off the books. He would inform Dualscar that it was an easy fix, that he just needed to fix his code and re-run the numbers. They could then file a correction to the report, which would go out to the board. Satisfied, the board would then call off the audit.

Meanwhile, Cronus would have to go and start a fake business. That business, Fishass Jr. Inc. or whatever the dumb thing Cronus decided to name it, would go and purchase a piece of land to supposedly build a store on, paying for the property in an all-cash deal. Fishass Jr. Inc. would then purchase a small number of derivatives from Dualscar Enterprises, using the deed to the property as payment. Fishass Jr. Inc. would significantly undervalue the property in this exchange, and Cronus, as head of finance, would approve this seeming bargain. Dualscar Enterprises would then turn around a week later and sell the property for its real, full value, thereby getting the money on the books cleanly. Once the deal was done, maybe by the end of next week if all went well, Sollux would re-run the calculations. The number of derivatives issued would match the total balances held in the company’s coffers.

It could all still fall apart if someone took too close a look, but if they didn’t… they would be in the clear.

He sent an e-mail to Cronus’ personal e-mail at 2:30, laying out every single step Cronus would have to take in painstaking detail, including hyperlinks to nearby properties that made for good candidates. He closed his e-mail with “DO NOT FUCK THII2 UP.”

He shut his laptop, and blinked, eyelids heavy with sleep. He felt good. He had a plan. One that might save this whole company if it worked. But, first things first… tomorrow morning, Sollux had some ass-kissing to do.

\---***---

The alarm clock sitting atop Sollux’s bedside table chirped its morning song as sunlight streamed through the window-shade. Sollux smacked the clock, groaned, and sat up in bed. He had tossed in bed, falling asleep just a few short hours ago. Morning had come too quickly.

In the few hours before a blissful state of unconsciousness, his mind ran through different scenarios of how to break the news to The Orphaner. But no matter how hard he worked at the puzzle, he just couldn’t come up with a good way to go about it.

Sollux contemplated just telling Dualscar the truth. But, “your nepotistic choice for head of finance has been up to idiotic shenanigans and has put the company in a position where we may now be facing millions in fines, potential jail time, and, oh yeah, by the way, whatever horrific, violent vengeance the Makaras might see fit to enact” didn’t exactly have a nice ring to it.

Besides, having the younger Ampora in his pocket, along with 20% of Cronus’s salary seemed like a pretty good deal. It would certainly pay for a new computer and maybe some nice new clothes to the replace the ones that kept getting ruined at work.

Sollux realized that, given how quickly Cronus had agreed, he probably could have gotten even more. But, then again, he probably shouldn’t be _too_ greedy. That’s what got them into this mess to begin with.

Flicking through hanger after hanger, Sollux mulled through his ward-robe choices. Today was going to call for a suit of armor. He settled on a color-blocked, black and white, three-button skirt-suit. It was going to have to work hard today.

\---***---

Sollux arrived at the office at 7:30, a half an hour earlier than usual. He went through with his usual morning with more care and attention than he’d paid them in weeks. The coffee was measured out precisely, last evening’s voice-mails were organized into a priority list, and his work e-mail was zeroed out by eight. Perusing through the boss’s calendar, he saw Dualscar was headed straight into meetings that morning and wouldn’t be back until after lunch. But soon thereafter, he had an hour long block of availability. Sollux decided that’s when he would make his move.

The day passed at a snail’s pace. It was torture waiting for the boss to get back. Sollux realized he had perhaps been a little _too_ eager to get in during the dawn hours. He’d already burned through the tasks that usually occupied his morning. He wouldn’t have to write new code for the ‘re-calculation’ so there was little for him to actually do on his end. He decided to check in on his personal e-mail to pass the time.

__________________________________________

To: s.captorII@alternia.net

From: kankri.vantas@grubmail.com

Subject: Everything 9K?

Hi friend,

I wanted t9 check-in t9 make sure that y9u were d9ing 9kay. I heard a l9t 9f disrespectful language emanating fr9m the 9ffice yesterday. I kn9w that can be rather triggering f9r s9me. I’m here if y9u need t9 talk.

-kankri

__________________________________________

__________________________________________

To: s.captorII@alternia.net

From: m.captorII@alternia.net

Subject: J03?

H4Y FUCKF4C3, C4N Y0U G37 M3 A J03 4T Y0UR C0MP4NY?

__________________________________________

__________________________________________

To: s.captorII@alternia.net

From: cronus.aaaaaay@grubmail.com

Subject: Re: plan

Got it chief. I’ll havwe this done by the end of the vweek. Maybe you can come by my place for a drink after to celebrate?

-C

__________________________________________

Sollux groaned as he read the last e-mail. “What a little shit,” he exclaimed to the empty office.

\---***---

Dualscar strolled up to Sollux’s desk at half past one. He dumped a yellow legal pad on to Sollux’s desk, hitting him in the hands as he typed.

“Transcribe this up for me and file it under my meeting notes. Then I want you to get me a meeting setup with the head of legal. I don’t want to caught with our pants down when we go into it with Redglare. We need to figure out how to get a head of this thing.”

Sollux looked up. This was it. This was the moment to strike. He started to say something, but was cutoff as Dualscar continued, “And I want you to pull the competitive intelligence we have on Oceania fish futures. I’m hearing interesting things from my contacts overseas.”

Sollux started to say something, but was again cut-off. “And don’t ever book me a lunch at Trello’s again. The service is terrible.”

With that, Dualscar strode into his office and shut the door.

Sollux balled his fist and hit the desk. ‘Ok… not quite as planned so far.’ He looked down at the legal pad and began flipping through it. Page after page of notes written in chicken-scratch interspersed with occasional doodles of boats. It would take him hours to decode this non-sense and type it up.

He sighed. He couldn’t waste this oppurtunity.

Sollux stood up and turned around. His heart beat fast with nervousness, excitement. He took a deep, calming breath, exhaled, then marched into Dualscar’s office, closing the door in dramatic fashion behind him.

Dualscar, already working on paperwork at his desk, looked up, startled. “We’re going to have to put a bell around your neck if you aren’t going to knock.”

Sollux ignored the snide comment and strode around Dualscar’s desk. He took off his bi-colored glasses, carefully folded them up, and placed them on the edge of the Orphaner’s desk. Then, with a firm hand, he grabbed the back of Dualscar’s head, clumps of his hair knotted between knuckles, leaned down, and planted his open mouth on The Orphaner’s lips. He could taste the drinks on his breath from lunch.

Dualscar, for a second, sat surprised. Not being one to either step down when challenged or miss an opportunity, he reached an arm around Sollux, cupping his rear, pulling him closer. He returned Sollux’s aggression in kind, biting at Sollux’s bottom lip, causing the troll to let out a small yelp. The Orphaner let go of the delicate flesh, then slid his tongue across Sollux’s lips, into his mouth, through pointed teeth, and along Sollux’s bifurcated tongue. ‘Guess he needs a little more direct supervision,’ Dualscar thought, amused with his own cleverness.

Sollux climbed on top of Dualscar, sinking his hips down into The Orphaner’s pelvis. He could already feel the man coming to attention. He pulled off of Dualscar’s mouth and smiled down. With one hand, he loosened the knot on The Orphaner’s tie. Leaning down, he bit where his neck met his shoulder.

Dualscar let out a gutteral moan as his eyes rolled back in his head. He managed to spit out, “Mmnngg… I thought we were going to work on the biting thing.”

Sollux let go, then, snake-like, flicked his tongue along Dualscar’s neck-frills. “Haven’t gone on my lunch break yet, so I’m feeling peckish-th.” He rocked his hips into his bosses’ once again, feeling heat, despite the layers of fabric separating them. “Unless of course, you’ve got something else for me.”

Dualscar trilled. “I might.”  


Sollux slid down off his boss, coming to the floor on his knees. With both hands, he grabbed a hold of Dualscar’s inner thighs and began massaging. Dualscar let out a moan as Sollux worked his way inwards, coming to cup his balls, moving up to slide the fabric of his boxers back and forth over his cock.

Sollux’s heartbeat was steady now. He felt in control as he undid the Orphaner’s belt buckle, unsnapped his pants’ button, and unzipped. He slid a hand under the troll’s boxer waistband, taking a firm grip on the engorged flesh beneath.

He looked up at Dualscar. A smirk crept across his bosses’ face. “Your favorite.”

Sollux refrained from rolling his eyes and instead gave Dualscar a squeeze, his hand barely closing around the circumference. He let go of The Orphaner, and pulled his pants and undergarments down.

Dualscar reached down and took a hold of himself, stabilizing the freed but bobbing member. “You look like you could use some help with that.” He rubbed himself against Sollux’s lips.

Sollux closed his eyes and opened his mouth. Rocking forward, he came down hard on his boss, sealing his wet lips around the troll’s shaft. He began methodically bobbing his head up and down, feeling his mouth, throat, become filled.

Dualscar reached down and grasped the back of Sollux’s head, guiding him further. He clenched his jaw and began rocking his hips into his assistant. “Ah, that’s… that’s good.” He offered, encouraging Sollux to take him deeper. He could feel the twinges of tension starting to build inside him.

He looked down at Sollux and petted the side of his face. “Show me how long you can hold your breath.”

Sollux looked up, locking eyes with his boss. Mouthful, he let out contented murr, then drew in a breath through his nose. He pushed down taking Dualscar to the hilt. He held himself there as small rivulets of saliva escaped the corners of his mouth. He could feel the veins in his head throbbing as fought back against his lungs. Then, slowly, he pulled his head back up and off the mast. Once off, he coughed and drew in air, looking up at The Orphaner. Dualscar smiled back down, wiping the corner of Sollux’s mouth. “You’re getting better.”

Sollux swallowed and smiled.

“But that’s not why you came in here is it… No, I imagine not. I have a busy day today, why don’t we stop playing around and get right down to it.”

Before Sollux could respond, in one nearly seamless motion, Dualscar stood up, took Sollux by the shoulders, and had laid him down across the desk. It caught Sollux off-guard when he was reminded of how physically strong the boss was. His heartbeat quickened as he felt control of the situation slipping from him.

Dualscar licked his lips as he ran his hands over his secretary’s tights. He inched his hands upwards until they were under Sollux’s skirt. Sollux squirmed on the desk as Dualscar cupped his mound. Dualscar grinned down at his prone assistant. “You aren’t wearing anything under those are you?”

Sollux closed his eyes and let out a moan.

Dualscar’s hand drew into a claw as he pulled at the fabric crotch of the tights. They ripped at their seam.

‘Oh goddammit those were new,’ Sollux thought.

Grabbing Sollux by the back of his knees, Dualscar spread his legs up into the air. Leaning forward, he pressed himself against Sollux’s opening.

Sollux gritted his teeth as The Orphaner’s slid in his body adjusting to the girth. ‘A little more warm-up would have been nice,’ he thought to himself. He dug his fingernails into the edge of the desk as The Orphaner drove himself into Sollux.

Dualscar let out a contented moan as he began rocking himself back and forth, sliding himself in and out of the troll’s heat. ‘Professional development really is the most rewarding part of this job,’ he thought to himself.

Eyes squeezed tight, Sollux felt tension in his own body grow. He rocked his hips to match his boss’s rhythm. Heat was filling his body as his heart fluttered. He could feel himself starting to get close. He let out a small cry of pleasure. “Oh god, keep going,” he muttered.

Cascades of endorphins rushed through Sollux as the tension in his body released. Dualscar felt Sollux buck and spasm beneath him, riding the central nervous system overload as far as he could.

As the waves of orgasm dissipated throughout Sollux’s body, Dualscar grunted, feeling a twinge in his own internal workings. He leaned down and took a firm grip on Sollux’s hips, burying himself deep. The Orphaner let out a string of slurred syllables as orgasm pulsed through him, seeming to momentarily fuse every nerve, muscle, and bone in his body. He quaked as wave after wave spilled into his assistant.

For a long moment, the room was just filled with the sounds of breath being caught. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Then, Dualscar slowly slid himself out of Sollux and collapsed back into his chair. Sollux looked up at his boss and grinned.

Dualscar met the gaze with a rare smile.

Sollux pushed himself up off the desk and, with great care, stood up on wobbly legs. He made his way to the bosses’ private washroom to clean-up.

\---***---

Sollux trashed the stockings in the washroom; nothing there even salvageable. ‘Oh well, if I’ve played this right, it’ll be coming out of Cronus’s paycheck anyways,’ he thought. He ran a paper towel under the the faucet, then carefully dabbed at his face where his makeup had smeared. ‘Time for act two…,’ he thought.

After pitching the paper towel in the rubbish, he turned off the tap and took a deep, centering breath.

He looked at himself sternly in the mirror.

“You can do this,” he whispered to himself.

On exiting the bathroom, he saw Dualscar had already put himself back together, somehow looking as if the last half an hour hadn’t ever happened. Sollux thought it was nearly magic the way he could do that.

Sollux cleared his throat, “Before we got… distracted… I’d actually been coming in here to give you an update on the financials.”

“Oh?” Dualscar asked, readjusting his tie.

“Yes… it seems that somehow there was a…” Sollux paused, “… slight mistake in the materials used to prepare the reports.”

Dualscar narrowed his eyes, “Go on…”

“Yes. Well.” Sollux swallowed, “It seems that since I’ve now identified the issue, we should be able to go through and re-run the numbers. I’ll have the new report ready by the end of next week.”

Silence filled the room.

He studied Dualscar for any kind of reaction, but the man was a statue.

“I… uh… I’m sure the board will be relieved to have the corrected numbers. There will obviously be no need for this whole audit thing,” Sollux added.

Dualscar crossed his arms. “I see.”

Again, silence.

Sollux looked around the room. “Well, I think I’ll be heading back to my desk to type up those notes.”

Dualscar sighed. “Did you honestly think you would come in here, lay me, then expect not to have to tell me whose mistake put this company in the crosshairs?”

Sollux closed his eyes. ‘Yes, I was kind of wishing for that exact thing,’ he thought.

Dualscar came over and put an arm around Sollux’s shoulders. “I’m not an idiot. I can tell when I’m being buttered up. Not that you didn’t do an excellent job at it if I do say so myself.” Dualscar drew a hand down Sollux’s back, down the disheveled blouse to Sollux’s skirt.

“So tell me where our little fuck-up came from.”

Sollux swallowed. “Rounding error in the formulas.”

Dualscar nodded. “Ah. So this would be _your_ fuck-up then.” 

Sollux cleared his throat. “In a manner of ss-peaking.”

“Ah, well… while you might think I’m angry. I have some good news for you. I’m not.”

Startled, Sollux looked up at his boss. “You’re not?”

“Nope. Know why? Because I’ve already had time to process it. Plus, I do consider myself a merciful man.”

“Wh---what?”

“Cronus accidentally let your little rounding fuck-up slip out when I was chatting with him this morning. He even tried covering for you, saying how much stress you had been under.” Dualscar smiled as he ran his hand over Sollux’s butt. “I really raised that kid right.”

Ice-water ran through Sollux’s veins.

\---***---

For the second time this week, Sollux stood in front of his red be-suited friend. Kankri wasn’t sure that he had ever seen Sollux looking quite so rough. Life at the top was obviously not all it was cracked up to be.

“Are you doing okay? No offense intended, but you look like you’ve not gotten a lot of sleep.”

Sollux mustered a smile. “Long day. Is your boss in?”

“He is but…”

“Let me guess. Not taking visitors?”

Kankri nodded affirmatively. “He got in late and looked pretty bad. Hasn’t left his office once. I’m guessing that he was out last night…” Kankri made the universal sign for drinking.

Sollux crossed his arms. “Buzz him. Tell him Mr. Captor is here to see him.”

Kankri gave Sollux a long glance before hitting the red-button atop the intercom.

“Mr. Ampora?”

“ _WHAT?_ ”

Kankri cleared his throat, then continued, “Mr. Captor is here to see you.”

There was a long pause before a voice came back from the other end.

“I’m not here.”

Kankri rolled his eyes at the speaker. “He is standing right here and can hear you.”

Another pause, then, “Uh… send him in.”

Sollux strode into Cronus’ office with a smile on his face, closing the door gently behind him.

Inside, Cronus gave Sollux a dopey, unconvincing smile.

Sollux gave one right back as he strode over to the visitor’s chair, gingerly taking a seat.

“Dualscar’s convinced I fucked up the numbers.”

Cronus let out a deep sigh. “Phew, thank god.”

“You didn’t say anything to him did you?”

Cronus put up his hands, “What me? No.”

Sollux nodded. He now knew he could only trust Cronus as far as he could throw him.

Cronus added, “I did all the paper work for the new company this morning and have property viewings lined up for tomorrow.” He leaned back in his chair, “I have to hand it to you chief. This looks like it might actually work.”

Sollux sunk back into the chair, letting the exhaustion of the past twenty-four hours take over his body. “Of course it’s going to work.” He spread his legs, exposing his naked crotch. “And you’ve got your first bit of work to do for me...”

Cronus raised an eyebrow as he caught sight.

Sollux continued, “I prefer consistent pressure with the tongue. And no fucking fingers-th, you got that fish breath?”

Cronus sat stunned in his chair.

“Unless of course, you prefer I go back and have a longer chat with daddy-dearest about what you’ve really been up to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I may go through and edit this a bit more, but I hope this is in okay-enough shape to post. This was originally going to be a short PWP thing because I wanted to write something set in the Sollux secretary AU. But then story happened? 
> 
> So ‘will Sollux and Cronus actually manage to pull the caper off?’ Hopefully we will find out next time I have time off to write!


End file.
